I'm not meant to be a people pleaser.

As I was thinking about what to write in this blog update I realized I could write about the plans for the 3 month Biblical Core Course, or the 9 month Chronological School of Biblical Studies, the everyday things that happen at the base, the new garden, I could write about many things! But you have already heard about most of these things at least once, and the fact that there is so much going on in my life I can find it overwhelming at times. However God has been using this busyness to teach me to be relaxed in Him, to trust in His planning and His strength. I find it incredible difficult at times to maintain so many different things at a high quality because everyday something else is being added to the list.

However God has been teaching me not to be so much of a task orientated guy and to not find my self worth in the jobs that I do and the quality that they get accomplished. I've had trouble realizing this and it's hurt to realize this lesson. I will probably be learning this lesson for a long time but I think it's one of the most important ones out there. I need to find my self worth in God and not people. I seem to be a people pleaser by nature so I have always been scared of letting someone down, hurting some one's feelings, making someone mad and so on. But I'm not perfect so it's impossible for me to please everyone. If I try I'll die! And I would rather not have that happen at this time. There is only one being that I need to please and that is God.

So in the midst of everything going on, all the teams, the schools and relationships God has been teaching me to not be swayed by those things, to not find my value in how well or how bad they go. He has been teaching me to be constantly looking to Him and to remember the value that He placed on me and everyone else. He valued me enough to have His Son die for me. How amazing that is and yet I can still find myself thinking that I need to find my value in pleasing people, and doing a good job. But that's not it at all.

So all that to say, God is good, and it's been a hard week for me. A good learning week but a hard one.